Divorce

I grew up in a broken home. Though I have seen many blessings I also have seen first hand some of the heartaches and confusion that comes with divorce. Often people get a divorce thinking how they will become happier and free. Though sometimes this is the case and some abusive relationships are not healthy most of the time divorce is not the answer to bring joy.

A wedding day is one of the happiest days of a person's life because it is the moment when the person that you deeply love sets you apart as the most important person in their life. Divorce has the opposite effect, it is when you are unchosen, or set aside and deemed less important. People divorce for many reasons. One reason, that might cause a separation happens when the couple realize that they have different parenting styles, which leads to unresolved contention . They often feel that if they could get away from each other, then they could raise their children the way they see fit. What people often don't realize is that  their children will still be taught by the other parent and their teaching style just without balance of the other partner. Now these children have to change behavior as they change from both parents. Both parents still have to raise children now it will be harder though because they are both raising them and working together but they aren't together. This separation of parents often lead children to feel a need to choose favorites or distress and confusion of changing how they act depending on what home they are in.

Children are effected in many other ways too though. Studies have shown how children who grow up in broken homes have less success in school and have more attachment issues and are more emotionally unstable.

When people divorce they often believe that they will just marry someone better. It is never that simple though. No matter who you marry there will be quality flaws that bother you. That is if you can remarry. Often when there is a remarriage who ever was previously divorced does nothing to change who they are to make the new relation ship work and they often bring in baggage from the past.

When considering divorce there are four things you should know. The first thing is how it will take a minimum of 2 years to get to a sense of  normalcy. The second thing is how all heavy discipline should come from the birth parent. The third thing is how step parents should have a relationship familiar to a wonderful aunt or uncle. The fourth item to know is how the parents will need more conferences and will need to counsel more closely together.

Divorce is not an easy road. This just barley skims the surface of some of the trials of divorce. Divorce greatly effects the children and yet if also puts stress of the adults getting divorced. Divorce is not an easy process so be careful before you decide. The statistics have shown how the greater percent of people who divorce feel like they could have made it worked and in fact should have. Divorce should  be a last option if even an option at all.

Filling the Needs of the Child

One of the highest callings anyone could have is that of being a parent. Parenting also comes with a lot of responsibility. It is the responsibility of the parents to make sure that children are taught and raised correctly. In order to be a successful parent it is also important that children's needs are met. Studies show five certain needs that every person must have. These needs are, contact/belonging, power, protection, with drawl, and challenges.  If these needs aren't met properly children might act out in unhealthy ways.

The first need is for contact and belonging. When children have a lack of contact and belonging children will seek attention in unhealthy ways. Often young girls will seek after the physical touch of boys. Another example of acting our is class clowns trying to get attention.  Studies have shown that physical contact literally effect the health and growth of children. Studies have shown that as contact is made children are less likely to die and have mental illnesses and are less likely to act out. So how do we help give children contact and belonging? You offer contact freely and un conditionally. Give lots of hugs and tell children that you love them. you don't punish  them by sending them to their room. This would be separating them and taking, therefore, taking away that contact and belonging. The second way to meet these needs is to teach children how to belong by teaching them to contribute. It is important to let your children help around the house. You then need to give positive reinforcement by compliments and acknowledgement for when they do contribute. Paying them for contributing is dangerous because they will see you as a boss and something done for gain and not done as a good deed. So in order for best success children need to have contact and belonging.

The second need is for power. When a child feels like they have no power they are more likely to try to control others leading to rebellion and a power struggle. So how can we give children power and yet still teach them and have obedience. You teach and give power by letting children have choices and consequences. It is good for children to help make rules and consequences for those rules. Most the time it is best if  the teaching comes through children making the choices letting there be natural consequences for their actions. there are only 3 times when consequences should not be natural. Those three times are when the choice is dangerous, the consequence for that action is too far in the future, such as a thirteen year old deciding to drop out of school when it won't be effect them till their late 20's, or when the choice will effect another person negatively. By teaching this way you also teach responsibility. Often children are taught to do what they are told but responsibility is even more then that it is the ability to know how best to respond and not to just follow or obey whatever they are told.  Another form of consequence is logical consequences. One example is when a child uses up data they have to pay for extra data since in he future  that will be a natural consequence. Another way to teach consequences is through I statements. This teaches children how it effects other peoples and the logic behind consequences and it teaches respect because it is respectful. One example is if a child leaves a bike out and it gets rusted a parent might say "I feel worried when you leave you bike out because it can get ruined. It hurts me because I paid a lot for that bike. I would appreciate it if you take care of your bike." lets say a child keeps leaving it out. A parent might say " I am hurt that you aren't taking care of your bike what do you feel we should do to make sure you keep good care of your bike?". It is important to be careful to not punish but to allow consequences. When it comes to consequences most should be natural and all teaching should be based off respect. You should never give consequences when you are angry and it is always better to go to your room and calm down then to act in the heat of a moment. Also consequences aren't lectures. Children should know why a consequence is and explaining your self is important, however, lectures will rarely teach as a parent is hoping it would.  

The next need is for protection. When children don't have protection they will seek revenge. So what should we teach? We need to teach assertiveness and forgiveness.  Often how we teach is through example. Again you can't lecture forgiveness they need to learn by being on the receiving end and see you forgive others.

Then there is the need for with drawl. When a child doesn't have this ability to withdraw they will have undue avoidance such as playing video games instead of doing their paper. What should be taught is how to take a break. Then the child will know how to breath, and go back into their current task, instead of avoiding the unwanted task all together.

The last need is a need for challenges. When people learn how to take on challenges and succeed it helps people feel in control and it builds their self-esteem. So how do we help fill the need of challenges? We teach challenges through skill building. When children don't have challenges through skill building they will often seek it through risk taking.

Another important factor is be humble as a parent. It is ok to apologize. As parents we will make mistakes. Apologizing is another opportunity to teach. It gives you a clean slate to try again and teaches the child that you respect, love , and care about them more then you do about being right.

Raising good children may seem daunting and yet it isn't impossible and can be so fulfilling. We can make all the difference in children's lives. Ultimately in the end parenting can be one of the most rewarding experiences in our lives. Nothing can make one more proud then to see their child go off into the world and think "what an amazing person".

Mothers and Finances

Woman are very blessed with the opportunity in our modern society to pursue an education, careers and their dreams! This is a wonderful and blessed gift of our time. Just because a woman can though, is getting a job really better then staying home and being a mom?  Some people believe that it is necessary to help bring in extra money. Others feel it is the only way to have a truly fulfilling life. Today I want to suggest a different idea. 

Many mothers feel the need to get a job to help bring in money when things are tight in a family but contrary to popular beliefs studies have shown that when there is a dual income home money is lost. On the face it is easy to think that makes no sense; let me explain. When both parents are gone this means they are required to get some kind of childcare, this on its own is quite costly. Often when their is a dual income there is more money paid to gas, cars, and taxes. People tend to spend more to gain nicer things. This normally tends to cancel each other out. One study showed a family where the father made $42,000 and the mother made $21,000. Their net income however for the year ended up being $40,000 because of all the extra expenses. Just the job of being a mother, if paid, would be one of the highest paying jobs in the world. They would need to pay the "mother" to cook multiple meals, clean the entire house, take care of children, do laundry, do possible hair cuts, teach, and much more. How quickly those expenses would add up and in a dual income home much of that needs to be paid for since no one is home to do it.

Having a dual income family can also lead to other problems such as ideologies over 'yours' and 'her' money instead of 'our' money. Most divorces are over money and a non-shared view of a couples finances can potentially be very dangerous to a marriage.

Many woman feel like they aren't making any kind of contribution or that they are stunted if they stay home. I believe quite the opposite! Motherhood is a wonderful time for growth! Having children teaches you selflessness and patience. You learn hard work and how to multi-task. Your contribution is huge! You are raising the next generation. Whether the next generation is kind, hardworking or a problem solving people is largely influenced by you! As for a stunt in your learning that is completely up to you! A dear friend of my mother's stopped school despite her love of knowledge to be a mother. That did not stop her from learning though! She bought many textbooks and would study and read to her hearts desire.

A desire to work and especially to follow your dreams is a wonderful thing! I would just caution a mother who is unsure of some of the possible consequences. Unlike what many would like to believe, I believe that motherhood is one of the most beautiful and dutiful "jobs" we can ever have on this earth. There is not a greater power one has then the power a mother has when she is home with her kids. Their is no money that can replace how much it costs to do the job of a mother. I am proud of motherhood and can't wait until that day comes for me.

Family Counsles

One good way to check up on your spouse and children is to have family counsels. As a religious person this post will rely heavily upon ideas  in the belief that there is a loving God who will guide and direct us. Family counsels should have 4 main aspect, first, they should be done with love and appreciation. Second, they should start with a prayer. Third, they should discussion and then fourth, you should all come to a consensus. Note, this pattern can also be used as a couple to make a decision.

This first aspect is that there should be love and appreciation. You can bring this in by starting the  event off with compliments and other forms of loving acknowledgement. This will start the evening with a feeling peace and self worth.

The second aspect is prayer. If you want to come to a consensus and have a peaceful, respectful atmosphere where the spirit can guide you need to start off with a prayer.

The next aspect is how you run a discussion. One way to run this is you have someone in charge who keeps order. This normally is a parental figure. This person presents what is to be discussed. Then you go around and one at a time have each member put in their input. This way all members have an opportunity and a say. It is important at this time to make sure that all views are respected and listened to. This also is an important time to apply humility. All family members no matter how young can feel like they are truly apart of the family and that they are valued and respected.  You then discus till you come to a consensus.

That leads us to our last part coming to a consensus though this may seem impossible, if you are all striving to do the lords will then you can reach a consensus. Since you are all seeking the lords will, the will should all be the same.

By conducting family counsels in this manner you teach your children how to be leaders. Families feel unified and individuals feel important and like they have a  say. By using this pattern to make rules are more likely to follow. This can be also be a strong bonding time within the family unit.

Two Sides of the Same Coin

It may seem like a mystery how two people can go through the same stressful event and yet come out from it completely different! This mystery is actually not the mysterious at all though. One way this phenomena was explained was by what's called as the ABCX model. A stands for Actual event. B stands for Both resources and responses and C stands for Cognitions which equal X, which stands for total eXperience.

You can understand this better through an example. Lets say two couples suffer through the death of a child. The actual event would be the death of a child. Now lets look at both  recourses and responses. Lets say one couple is new to the area, they don't know anyone and they respond by closing them selves off to the community and each other. Lets say the other couple though has a strong role in the community, The respond by reach out for support and during the funeral the whole community comes to support and bring food and flowers to the mourning couple. Then there is cognition. Lets say the first couple view this as the worst thing that could ever happen, they are mad at God for allowing such a thing to occur, maybe they are mad at each other for not trying harder to keep the baby alive. Maybe the other couple use it as an opportunity to come closer to their other children, maybe they look forward with hope of seeing their child in the next life. They may possibly view it as sad and yet use it to have meaning full discussions with each other that unifies them. As you can probably imagine both of these couples probably ended up having a very different total experiences.

Challenges will always be hard but hard doesn't  need to mean bad in fact much of how life goes depends on our attitude and how we face these seemingly impossible heartaches. I love the Chinese symbol for the word crisis. It is made by combining the symbol of Danger and opportunity. Every challenge in our life can either be a danger to everything we know or it can be an opportunity to grow and become better. With in our families it is inevitable that we will come face to face with a crisis and it can either tear our families apart or bring us together.  Much of this choice is ours, how we choose our cognition and responses and how we use our resources will effect the outcome of our challenges.

Loyalty at the Core

At the core of marriage there must be certain aspects such as, love, trust, loyalty and many more. These aspects are often entwined with each other. For example when you are loyal to someone they are more likely to trust and rely on you. Loyalty is very key to a marriage but by having infidelity you are destroying your personal loyalty towards your spouse. I think there are very few cases though where people go into a marriage thinking they will break their fidelity. This is exactly what I want to talk about is how to prevent infidelity, especially emotional infidelity which I believe to be even more common and less known.

An emotional affair is often a trap that's becoming easier and easier for people to fall into. With text messages and social media it is easier today then ever to talk to people privately. Emotional affairs  can come in a range of ways from simply confiding in another, besides your spouse or a professional set aside to help marriages, to talking about intimate topics with another and/or sexting things with another.

Most emotional affairs start off very innocently. Imagine you have had a life time best friend of the opposite gender. There is nothing initially bad about that, however, lets say you start confiding in them on what to do about something regarding your marriage. You then start comparing your spouse to your friend. Mabey you feel like you can talk to your friend better then your spouse. Pretty soon you are in an emotional affair. You also often see this when spouses add old relationships as friends on social media.  Your friend may message you complaining about their relationship and to help them out to try to relate and you complain about yours. Pretty soon you are confiding in each other. You may start to remember how wonderful it was and compare it to what you have now.

Even talking to family members would be wise not to do. Most the time when you confined with a family member that persons view of your spouse will change, even once you have forgiven them and moved on. People often believe that infidelity can only happen with the opposite sex but even confiding and getting emotionally attached to those of your same sex can be dangerous.

When you have problems with in your marriage the best thing you can do is talk to your spouse about it. Statistics have shown that when one spouse reaches out to others for marriage help the marriage is ironically more likely to end in divorce. If you do have to talk to someone for help it is best to go to a professional who is set apart to help marriages and who isn't a family member.

Happiest day to the sadddest day of your life

Many dream of the day when they will find their true love. They picture their wedding as the happiest day of their life. Little do they probably consider though how significant that day and the events leading up to it can be, compared  to the rest of their lives. I want to address this and how these first decisions coming up to marriage can either greatly bless or hurt your marriage.

The first step to the marriage adventure is the day you are proposed to. Some would say how you are proposed to isn't significant. This simply is not true though.  How you are proposed to sets up a precedent for the rest of your marriage. If he has a planned and formal proposal he will probably put more effort into your marriage then if he asks off hand while you were watching Netflix on the couch. So when a guy proposes it would be wise to take note to how it is done.

Now that you are proposed to the next stage is  engagement. This is a crucial time to get to know each other and bond over wedding plans. So how long should your engagement be? That really depends on you but facts show that you don't want it too long or too short. If your engagement is long you are more likely to fall into sexual relationships before marriage. If your engagement is to short though then you could miss out on essential steps that should take place. One step is planning the wedding. If your engagement is short it makes the planning stressful instead of a bonding time between the couple. You also should have an engagement long enough where you can have full-disclosure conversations.

When planning your wedding it also would be good to make sure this is a couple bonding time. Often the planning of a weeding is between a mother and daughter and maybe the father. It would be wise to make sure the future husband is equally involved in order to let the couple grow closer together.

Lets back up for a moment though and talk about money starting with the ring. How much your ring costs can greatly effect marital satisfaction later. Statistic show how every 100$ over 2,000 spent on the ring decreases marital satisfaction. The same idea goes for the wedding. Cheaper weddings increase marital satisfaction. A good saying to go by is more guests not more money. A wedding isn't about showing off for others but instead having them celebrate your union and the creation of a new family. This even goes for the honey moon, how cheaper honey moons tend to have better marital satisfaction then expensive ones.

So how come this is so? Spending big sums of money can start a relationship off on a stressful start. If the man pays for the ring he can start the couple off in serious debt. Normally these sums of money are paid three different ways. One, the couple waits and have a longer engagement. Two, the parents pay for it. Or three, the couple pays.

First, what if you wait as a couple and push off the marriage so you can pay for it.
 Like I mentioned earlier the longer you wait the easier it is to cohabitate. Cohabitating has shown to increase divorce rates and decrease marital satisfaction.

Second the parents could pay. This can lead to problems because the parents may feel like they made an investment and hence have certain rights. For example they may feel a right to plan the wedding as they see fit or they expect the couple to visit them on holidays. Also since they feel they invested into the marriage they might get unhealthily involved in the marriage to make it last.

Third the couples may pay. Like I mentioned earlier this starts the couple off in debt. Debt has proven to add great stress and rifts in marriage. The couple may have to work more to pay it off and hence spend less time together. It also has proven to make a couple less likely to desire to start a family.

Your marriage can be the happiest day of your life and lead to some of the happiest lives.  If not done right though it can  start a couple off on the wrong track. You should have a formal proposal, you should have an appropriate length engagement, and you should be careful how much you spend. This process can be a strengthening time for a couple, and hence it would be smart to do it right.

Ties that will last

Love is an art and building healthy lasting relationships is even more so. To begin to understand love though lets look at the different kinds of love. First there is Storge which is the kind of affection one finds between parent and child. There is also Agape which is charity such as the pure love of Christ. These two types of love are unconditional. The next one is Eros  which is a sexual or physical romantic love and the last one is Philia which is love between friends and brotherly love.

When getting into a relationship many fall into a Eros love. It takes more then just that though to build a lasting love. You need to have the charity of Agape love and many would argue you need the love of Storge and Philia too. When building towards a lasting relationships there are steps you should take and you shouldn't move to the next step till you feel like you have completed the one before it. The steps goes as follows, know, trust, rely, commit, touch.

The first is know, you get to know someone by adding together talk, together, and time. You need to be able to talk to each other and disclose. You need to hang out together. Go on dates, see them in different settings. This way you get to know how they act and not just their favorite color. The last part is time. It normally takes about 3 months for habits to show up and you get to see a persons true self.

Once you know a person you can start to put trust in them. Once a person has proven to be trustworthy then you can rely on them to fill your needs.

Next is commit. Simply put, no, you shouldn't commit to anyone that you don't know and can't trust and rely on. This sounds obvious when stated but so often we see people get into exclusive relationships with people they hardly know, let alone can trust and rely on.

The last part is touch. This part normally gets out of whack. So often couples skip to a stage where they trust and snuggle with someone before they even truly know them. This is simply not healthy though. Physical touch by nature, even  just simple hugs, can really make a bond between people. You see this if you go on long trips with people you don't know. By the end of the trip after sitting by someone for a long time even if you don't talk much you feel closer to them by the end.This is why touch should be last. By having touch in your relationship you will feel closer to the person and hence are more likely to trust and rely on them with out truly knowing them first.

In the end most of it comes back to knowing someone. If you want to have a good relationship you need to truly get to know the person first. You need to see them in multiple situations. This way you know before hand what you are inviting into your life before you commit to it.

Equal does not mean the same!

Many would have you believe that girls and boys act unalike mostly based on their environment. Many believe that since boys and girls are treated dissimilar they grow up different. Much research shows though that a lot of these differences actually has to do with biology and hence the contrast between boy and girls is more innate.

 Such contrasting differences can even be seen from birth. Many babies, who are to young to fully understand their surroundings, act differently to situation. Even evolutionally this would make sense that we fit into certain categories. Woman have to put all their energy into making a baby, because of this, man evolved to be more protective in order to protect his wife during this venerable time when she is creating. He also will then need to protect her and their child when they are both weak from the birthing process.  biologically men have more grey matter in there brain which allows more storage and processing. Woman have more white matter which allows them to make up to 5 times faster connections between the emotional and verbal part of their brains. This explains why woman tend to be more comfortable talking about their feelings. Another way to see sex traits contrast through biology is actually by looking at people who don't fit the mold.  CAH girls find themselves to be very tom boy, they tend to be rougher and not as nurturing, they also aren't as comfortable with feelings. So how does this prove that traits are biological? Well CAH girls are actually exposed to more testosterone while they are in the uteral. So yes some people aren't as feminine or masculine but that also can be contributed to biology not just purely environment. Society has tried to make boys and girls more equal and it has simply not worked. Toy companies have made dolls for boys and video games for girls but they simple do not get the same attention as their other more stereotypical boy girl toys. 

Men and woman in general are different and that's ok. It is how God designed us. We are born with different traits that make us who we are. By bringing these traits together in marriage we complete each other and make a more perfect whole.

Plight of the Immigrants

I knew there was problems with immigration. I knew there was political debates about the border and what to do. I never really paid much attention though and if I am to be honest I didn't really care. Much of what I have learned has changed that though and now I want to look into  the topic and know more about immigrants. I hope that as I share what I have learned about the plight of immigrants your heart might be softened and if you are an immigrant you might seriously think before you decide to come to the U.S..

Mexican culture by large has a culture where family is very central and important. Many Mexicans come up to the U.S. hoping to supply a better life for their children and grandchildren and so on. Studies show though how it puts many stresses on a family and can ultimately destroy their healthy family dynamics.

So how exactly does that work? First lets look at the father, he is normally the first one to leave so he can make money up in the U. S. till he can bring the rest of the family up. When he gets to the US he has no job, no money, and no place to live. Many end up on the streets or in over priced apartments with other men in his position. He is away from his family and has to start from rock bottom up in order to make any money. The troubles actually start long before he gets there though. The journey to cross the border is normally about 4000 dollars, in order to pay someone to help sneak you across. In case you weren't already weighed down by the burden of cost there isn't any guarantee this stranger will actually help you. People can get killed or captured for ransom by these people they hire to take them across. Suddenly being caught by border patrol and being sent home doesn't look too bad. Lets say you make it across safety though, you are still left homeless and with no family, in a country where you probably can't even speak the language.

Back at home family dynamics also have to change. Lets focus on the mother. Mom is undergoing a lot of stress. She loved her husband and she is scared about the journey he has to take. She now solely has to take care of the kids and hence takes on the father and mother role. She probably has never worked in her life and is now required to work since dad doesn't have a job and sends back minimal money. She is trying to balance all this and she doesn't even have her husband to go to in order to let off some of the weight of it all. Meanwhile she also is probably worrying about her kids who also feel the change in the situation.

Without their father there and their mother always busy the kids are left without any strong parental guidance. Those once strong bonds weaken especially with the totally absent father, who by the way is normally gone for four years instead of the expectant one year. The children may act out for attention. Older male siblings may become more bossy as they feel a need to take the fathers role, leaving harsher feelings between once close siblings. Children also may lose opportunities. Children who normally would  have gone to college can't because they have to support the family.

This is all before they even come to America to join the father. Once they make it to America, assuming they make it safely, it isn't the dream they may have imagined. Normally they are even more poor then they where back in Mexico.  Children who haven't had there father now don't know how to have him there and the fathers become estranged to the family. Husbands and wives have to rebuild relationships and fit in the fact the mother has changed due to her having to have fit her role as a father back in Mexico. Parents often become very protective and children have little freedoms. Children normally feel very alone being away from family and friends and in a place where they don't know the language. If children do learn the language sometimes parent, children roles can be switched to where children have more power because they can communicate with others.

Of course not all stories are the same. It is almost guaranteed though that the family dynamics will change and not for the better. Most situations are actually worse then this. Many fathers come and without there family knowing it find someone else and start a family with her. We also didn't even mention the effects it has on extended family who change their roles in order to help the family who is moving. America is a beautiful land and can have lots of great opportunities. If one wants to best help their family though it may be preferable to stay in Mexico. For those who know any immigrants show some sympathy, chances are they are in a really rough situation. For me hearing about the plight of the immigrants pulled my heart string. Maybe it too will pull yours.

Family Theories.

Simply put most families can be categorized into four different family Theories. Theses theories goes as follows, Systems Theory, Exchange Theory, Symbolic Interaction Theory and Conflict Theory. Most of these theories over lap. By finding these theories within a family we can get a basic idea of why certain families might act the way they do.

Systems theory, this theory entails how problems within a family or a member in the family is due to many causes, not just one thing. This could be explained as something happening due to circular causuality instead of linear causuality. It could also be described as the old saying goes "if mom ain't happy ain't nobody happy."  Similarly, each person within a family plays a role that the family expects them to be and when that role is changed it effects the whole family dynamic and can cause problems.

The next theory is Exchange Theory. This is what I like to think of as the economic theory. In business you want to be making more money then you spend. In relationships you want to get more out of the relationship then you put in. One needs to be careful though because if you don't balance how much you give and how much you receive someone in the relationship is likely to leave.

The third theory is the Symbolic Theory. This theory explains how each person within a family has a different perspective of things. For example sarcasm. Sarcasm is where one person sends two messages that contradict each other and the first one is a lie. Now, for some people they may not see the second messge and hence perceive wrong what the other person is trying to say. Another example is if dad came home and started yelling at the kids. Mom's view may be that he is being unkind and thoughtless. However, dad's view may be that he just got fired then came home to find the house filled with toys and toilet paper everywhere in a huge mess and kids fighting on the floor. Both the mom and the dad have very different perceptions on what is going on.

The last theory is Conflict Theory. This entails  how people within the family are constantly competing for power. They work to persuade and gain influence over one another.

By better understanding these theories we can better understand why certain people may act the way they do within a family.

The world is in need of traditional famlies!

I have always believed that we live in a world where the importance of families is being diminished. I am now just starting to understand just how true that belief is.  We have seen many trends over the last few years that show a decrease in the importance of families. For one there has been a decrease in family sizes.  There have been more people having sex out of marriage and cohabiting couples which have lead to more children not being born to wedded parents and higher divorce rates. There have been less mothers at home to take care of there young children and these are just some of the many traits we have seen.  some may ask if all these traits are bad and to you I say yes and here is why.

Lets start with the trend of decreasing family sizes. I would like to quote my self from a post I had written for a class assignment. I stated, "How many children you have can economically effect our whole nation. During the time of the baby boom many started to believe that we are over populating the earth. This and other factors such as more woman in the work force and people getting married later have led to a trend of having less children. This has actually led to what will soon bthe decline in our population. Such a decline will have many negative effects.

One negative effect is we will end up with more old people then young. The average number of kids right now for people is between 1 -2 kids. This means there are less kids then parents and hence less young people to replace the old. This means there will be less people in the work force to support those who are retired. which will lead to those who are in the work force having to work harder for the same amount."  

Originally this idea of havng to work harder didn't seem like all that bad of an idea. There was less people but more people where going to college and so they where smarter people. That is starting to become not true though we are seeing more people droping out of schools and with a shrinking population we simply can't afford that.

To give you an idea of how much our population is shrinking the average person has between one to two kids.  If you have 8 couples and each only have one child then within 4 generations you only have one person. If you have a million people and each only have one child then within only 20 generations you are left with only one person.

This sounds so lonely to me. With less siblings you have less aunts, uncles and cousins in the direction we are going exstended families will become more and more obsolete. We will be forced to make fake family connections to have that support which just isn't the same. If you want to learn more about our shrinking population you can go to BYUtv.org and find the "The New Economic Reality: Demographic Winter".

Another trend we see is how there are more people having sex out side of Marriage and cohabiting couples. I admit at first I didn't understand the big deal about cohabitation besides that I believed that sexual relations should happen only after marriage. Some new facts I learned though changed that. One statistic I learned was how you are actually 3 times more likely to get a divorce if you cohabitate before marriage. One reason for this is a couple is shown to be less committed to eachother when in cohabiting relationships. Another way I heard it explained for how cohabiting leads to divorces is that you get use to living as everything is his and hers. Their bank accounts are separate, their taxes are separate, though they live together much of what they do is independent. This leads to probelmes when they do get married because neither knows how to make it theirs instead of his and hers which leads to problems.

If you still don't think divorce is enough to call sex before marriage and cohabitation a problem think about the children. Statistics show how kids live more law abiding, successful and stable lives when they grow up in a home where both parents live together and are married. As someone who grew up in a home with divorced parents it was by no means easy. I hold no ill will towards my parents and I am greatful to have my step dad and step siblings in my life who love me and support me. I can say though that growning up in a divorced home was not easy nor fun in anyway and I would have preferred to grow up in a home where there was a committed and loving mother and father.

I also quickly just want ot touch on how there are more woman working outside of the home with kids under the age of 6. I am greatful we live in a time where woman can get an education such as I am and where we can work if we need to to help us achieve personal goals and make an income. I also know though that those early years of childhood are some of the most critical yeas of development for children. What kind of home a child lives in between those ages efffet who they are for the rest of there lives. They need nurturing mothers there to help during those critical stages.

Our families are under attack! The family is where the root of where all stems. This is where we first teach people morals. This is where we teach people how to interate with others where we teach them the good from the bad. The family is where children first see their example of what the world is like. Let us bring up a healthy generation, a generation where they can grow up in good, strong and stable families. The family is important I believe this, I know this, with out a doubt and I hope through out this blog you can come to belive and know this too.

introduction

To start things off let me introduce myself! I was born in in Portland Oregon in the year 1997. When I was five my parent got divorced and I moved with my mom to Washington and have been there since. As far as interests, I love to sing and play guitar. I'm convinced dancing is the best form of exercise though I also enjoy working out. I also love watching and being in theater.  I have done horse back riding and use to visit my aunt every summer so I could go ride. I love to travel! I have family in Mexico and visit them a lot. I have also been to Europe and different areas through out the states. I love people and meeting new people. Most importantly though I love my family. they are my strength and joy.