One of the highest callings anyone could have is that of being a parent. Parenting also comes with a lot of responsibility. It is the responsibility of the parents to make sure that children are taught and raised correctly. In order to be a successful parent it is also important that children's needs are met. Studies show five certain needs that every person must have. These needs are, contact/belonging, power, protection, with drawl, and challenges. If these needs aren't met properly children might act out in unhealthy ways.
The first need is for contact and belonging. When children have a lack of contact and belonging children will seek attention in unhealthy ways. Often young girls will seek after the physical touch of boys. Another example of acting our is class clowns trying to get attention. Studies have shown that physical contact literally effect the health and growth of children. Studies have shown that as contact is made children are less likely to die and have mental illnesses and are less likely to act out. So how do we help give children contact and belonging? You offer contact freely and un conditionally. Give lots of hugs and tell children that you love them. you don't punish them by sending them to their room. This would be separating them and taking, therefore, taking away that contact and belonging. The second way to meet these needs is to teach children how to belong by teaching them to contribute. It is important to let your children help around the house. You then need to give positive reinforcement by compliments and acknowledgement for when they do contribute. Paying them for contributing is dangerous because they will see you as a boss and something done for gain and not done as a good deed. So in order for best success children need to have contact and belonging.
The second need is for power. When a child feels like they have no power they are more likely to try to control others leading to rebellion and a power struggle. So how can we give children power and yet still teach them and have obedience. You teach and give power by letting children have choices and consequences. It is good for children to help make rules and consequences for those rules. Most the time it is best if the teaching comes through children making the choices letting there be natural consequences for their actions. there are only 3 times when consequences should not be natural. Those three times are when the choice is dangerous, the consequence for that action is too far in the future, such as a thirteen year old deciding to drop out of school when it won't be effect them till their late 20's, or when the choice will effect another person negatively. By teaching this way you also teach responsibility. Often children are taught to do what they are told but responsibility is even more then that it is the ability to know how best to respond and not to just follow or obey whatever they are told. Another form of consequence is logical consequences. One example is when a child uses up data they have to pay for extra data since in he future that will be a natural consequence. Another way to teach consequences is through I statements. This teaches children how it effects other peoples and the logic behind consequences and it teaches respect because it is respectful. One example is if a child leaves a bike out and it gets rusted a parent might say "I feel worried when you leave you bike out because it can get ruined. It hurts me because I paid a lot for that bike. I would appreciate it if you take care of your bike." lets say a child keeps leaving it out. A parent might say " I am hurt that you aren't taking care of your bike what do you feel we should do to make sure you keep good care of your bike?". It is important to be careful to not punish but to allow consequences. When it comes to consequences most should be natural and all teaching should be based off respect. You should never give consequences when you are angry and it is always better to go to your room and calm down then to act in the heat of a moment. Also consequences aren't lectures. Children should know why a consequence is and explaining your self is important, however, lectures will rarely teach as a parent is hoping it would.
The next need is for protection. When children don't have protection they will seek revenge. So what should we teach? We need to teach assertiveness and forgiveness. Often how we teach is through example. Again you can't lecture forgiveness they need to learn by being on the receiving end and see you forgive others.
Then there is the need for with drawl. When a child doesn't have this ability to withdraw they will have undue avoidance such as playing video games instead of doing their paper. What should be taught is how to take a break. Then the child will know how to breath, and go back into their current task, instead of avoiding the unwanted task all together.
The last need is a need for challenges. When people learn how to take on challenges and succeed it helps people feel in control and it builds their self-esteem. So how do we help fill the need of challenges? We teach challenges through skill building. When children don't have challenges through skill building they will often seek it through risk taking.
Another important factor is be humble as a parent. It is ok to apologize. As parents we will make mistakes. Apologizing is another opportunity to teach. It gives you a clean slate to try again and teaches the child that you respect, love , and care about them more then you do about being right.
Raising good children may seem daunting and yet it isn't impossible and can be so fulfilling. We can make all the difference in children's lives. Ultimately in the end parenting can be one of the most rewarding experiences in our lives. Nothing can make one more proud then to see their child go off into the world and think "what an amazing person".
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